To everyone in the world and especially Romania. Please come to this country. We welcome you with open arms. You will get a free house and more money than you can shake a stick at. If you have 11 children we will find a Grade 1 listed building to house you and you well get upward of £30,000 per year. We are working on making that more money as we know how hard it is to get by, especially in hard economic times. Bear in mind the money is after tax. Don't worry about the hard working people who fund this, they never complain and, after all, the government will find new ways to tax them. And if you get rich, you can find one of many loop holes to exploit so that you don't have to pay the nasty tax man. No one else does, except the hard working middle classes, but heh hoh, that's their lot.
As to the nasty Germans warning the UK of your thieving ways, I'm sure they are misguided. The UK will sympathise with your thieving and supply translators at exorbitant costs to make you feel less intimidated as you burgle your way across the country. Anyway our jails are like hotels and full in any event. A massive tip is to buy a cat upon arrival and then the UK cannot deport you on humanitarian grounds. Works every time. Our lawyers are on a lucrative deal to defend you and will do their up most to get you off any trumped up charge the police will come up with. Be assured that all our civil servants are all currently doing a diversity course, again at huge expense, to make you feel welcome. They are educated that you are not thieves and burglars, but welcome members of the community and if they repeat that often enough then I'm sure they will believe it.
Be aware that our government is very very clever. Labour introduced mass migration to the UK to alter the demographic nature of the company some years ago i.e. so people would vote for them. This can't have gone wrong, so I strongly suspect David Cameron is simply a Labour PM cleverly hidden within our ranks. The government is clever in many other ways and would not allow the UK to be bankrupt so we can clearly afford many more migrants visiting these lovely shores and claiming huge benefits. Our national debt is a trifle and we welcome you with open arms. Come hither one and all and help us to bleed the country dry. We are already building on the flood planes to give you new housing and when you are swept away then there will be more room for your brothers and sisters.
